X and L have been friends for the longest time since childhood days. 6 years through primary school education, they were in the same class, childcare centre and even extra co-curriculum activity. After PSLE, both were separated into different secondary schools. X and L continued regular weekend sessions in their neighbourhood. They provided emotional support to each other and grew up with a stronger understanding. Although they had new company of friends, X and L made efforts to stay connected with each other. 4 years in a different environment, X and L developed different characteristics. X was the centre of attention within her group of friends. She became more pampered due to the showering love and attention from her friend while L had always been independent.
After O levels, both X and L made the decision to get into the same Junior College. L being more sociable joined the Student Council and made new friends instantly. X remained stuck with her same group of secondary school friends. L gathered a dance group for the coming Talent night competition. It took her weeks to prepare the dance chorography and everyone was excited about the event. Just a week before talent night, L received bad news that 2 of her dance members cannot join the competition. L started searching around and requested for X’s help. X knew that L spent a lot of effort in the dance team and has pinned high hopes upon winning the competition. After much persuasion, X agreed and went for daily practices. During the final dance practice, L’s friends came to support and provided several feedbacks. L’s friends commented that X was too stiff and she needs to be more flexible in order to fit in the group. L agreed to the comment and told X nicely that she’s a little too tense up. Upon hearing such comment, X felt pointed at and left the stage crying. L went searching for X in the school campus and found her with her clique. X’s clique reprimanded L for making a fool of X. They felt that X was merely doing L a favour and does not require such insults from other people. L tried explaining to X and her clique that her friends were just giving honest suggestions for better improvements and didn’t meant to fault anybody in particular. X felt attacked and thinks that L’s friends were merely trying to make her seem awful in the crowd she’s unfamiliar in. L tried to persuade X back to dance practice. X refused and told L she’s not joining Talent night. L was shocked, disappointed and hurt. She apologised and left. L tried several times talking to X within the 2 years of junior college but X never replied. A 11 years friendship ended in a sad scenario.
How would L handled the situation better to avoid the ending of a perfect friendship? Had X changed due to growing up in a different environment? What can L do to rekindle the friendship?
Hi Melissa,
ReplyDeleteIt is indeed a pity that 11 years of friendship ended over an insignificant dispute.
I personally feel that L did not do ANYTHING wrong. Being close friends for so long, she would naturally feel comfortable in telling X about how she feels about her dance moves. Her intention was only to help X improve so that she performs better on the actual night, so how can that be insulting and making fun of X?
If L's friends had made that comment in front of the whole dance team then it would be too tactless on their part and X would have every right to feel embarrassed and upset. However, if it was a personal comment to L, why would X feel attacked? The main aim that everyone wants is for L's dance group to perform their best at the talent night competition!
The most L could have done was to have a heart-to-heart talk with X and apologise if she had unintentionally hurt X in any way. The rest would be up to X to see if this small dispute was worth 11 years of friendship.
The best word to describe X would be 'spoilt'. If she wants to spend her life been pampered, and is unable to accept even a tiny critism, she will suffer when she steps into the working world. Maybe only then will she know who her true friends are.
Hi Melissa,
ReplyDeleteI feel that the conflict occurred mainly due to the oversensitivity of X. In fact, my opinion is that L handled the situation pretty well. It was nice that L told X about her dancing in a nice manner where others could have been more direct. Also, I find that it was a nice gesture from L to try to explain herself to X and X's group of friends. Normally, any other person would have lost their temper or patience if they were to been accused of something like that.
However, if L had privately corrected X on her dancing instead of correcting her in front of everyone, the conflict would have probably not occcur. In this aspect, L would have to shoulder part of the blame.
I feel that X and her clique are the main reasons behind the conflict. X, for not being able to take in a suggestion and for acting a little spoilt. Her clique for "adding oil to fire" with their comments.
To rekindle the friendship, L should allow some time to past before trying to contact X again. Probably the time allowed would allow X to calmly think things over or even mature a little. Although not entirely at fault, L should also sincerely apologise to X.
I think that L had actually handled it quite well. Instead of letting her disappointment and emotions to take charge of her action which may probably lead her to spurt out some angry words, she apologized to X. And after the incident, instead of blaming X for her last minute back out, L forgave her and tried to talk to X several times to rekindle their 11 years of friendship.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, I feel that it is fine for X to be sad at the moment. I mean, we always say that feedbacks are welcome, but when we actually hear them, we will definitely feel a little bit of hurt deep down our hearts, for a short while.
However, I think X is overreacting. If they are such a good friends, I do not see why she will allow such a small issue to be a source to end this long-term friendship. I feel that if she continues to be like that (not accepting feedbacks with an open heart), her life will become miserable because she will not have any true friends; or worse, her friends will start to drift away from her.
Since L has already done her part, I guess that it really depends on X if she wants to rekindle this friendship. If she really think it was L’s fault, then I think she did not really understand L after all.
First and foremost, I completely agree with the others that X is indeed very spoilt and pampered. This is probably due to the fact that she was always the centre of attention within her clique. But apart from that, I feel that X could possibly have been resenting L secretly for quite some time also. Although this was not mentioned explicitly in the story, I felt that this could explain why X reacted the way that she did. L was obviously more popular than X. I wouldn't be surprised if X harbored some feelings of envy or jealousy. Then after the meltdown between them, X never replied to L for 2 years. If you think about it logically, the whole dance issue was not really that serious such that X had to break up an 11 year friendship. I believe that it was the resentment within her that led to such an over-reaction. Resentment, if not dealt with, could potentially lead to feelings of bitterness. I am not saying that this could provide any justification for X's immature behaviour. But what I am saying here is that maybe there is more to the whole situation than meets the eye. Anyway it is just my personal opinion.
ReplyDeleteOn L's part, I think she already did the best that she could but if X continues to allow whatever negative emotions that she is feeling to dominate her, then I am afraid there is nothing more that L could do or say.
I think after 4 years of separation, X and L were not as close as when they were still in primary school. From the conflict, we could tell that X preferred to listen to what her secondary school friends said. No matter how hard L tried, if X refused to accept L's advice, the conflict would not be solved eventually.
ReplyDeleteL had definitely done the right thing by discussing with X privately. Like what Trina said, the rest really depends on X's maturity and her decision on whether to give up this 11 years of friendship due to this small conflict.
Rooney,
ReplyDeleteYou're darn cute man. I've just finish filling up comments form and you're still commenting. (=